Future guest is writing me and stalking me on Facebook

[Annina3]

I have been a super host for a year now, and never had problems with my guests. I have a 2 bedroom flat, one for me and one for my Airbnb guest.

I have a booking in June that now is making me feel uncomfortable and Airbnb is not replying to my complains.

A quite old guy has booked for 2 weeks next June.  The problem is that since he booked – 10 days ago - he have been writing me really often, calling me on the phone even once (just to ask me how I was and for chatting).  Yesterday he also tried to connect with me on Facebook, writing me and asking for my friendship there. I know that I shouldn't even accepted his booking if I have this type of safety concerns (being alone) but as said I have never had a problem so far. 

The fact that this fellow has not even reviews doesn’t help my peace of mind. I would love to cancel this reservation given I live on my own and I won’t feel OK with this guy around, however – given he is not offensive so far but just intrusive-I am not sure I could be allowed to cancel without losing my super host status and paying 100 dollars. 

Not sure what is the best to do, honestly.

Thank you in advance for your tips and help!

[Emilia42]

It's funny to me that we read so many stories on here about Hosts loosing that personally connection with their guests. Now Airbnb is a place where guests instantly book, come and go, and many times without any communication with the hosts. This is quite different from what Aribnb started out as 12 years ago (so I've read.) BUT NOW when a guest wants that personal connection with a host before their 2 week stay, everyone is all up in arms.

I'm sorry but I don't find anything wrong with a guest sending you a few messages before the stay and calling you ONCE. If this guest was someone around the same age as you would you still find this weird? Or is it just because it is "some quite old guy."

I facebook/google search all my guests before they arrive. I would assume they do the same for me (although they won't find much) You can call it stalking if you'd like, but I want to know a little more about who will be on my property and I'm sure all guests want to know a little more about their hosts.

[Annina3]

Funny to contact on Facebook? Checking my name and write me everyday to ask how I am? I am sorry but there is nothing funny. 

[Emilia42]

All people communicate differently. Some people want very little interaction while others asks a lot of questions and talk a lot. I obviously have no clue what is in the context of these messages but just because this person has a different communication style as you does not make them an evil person. And Facebook is about making contact with others. If not, then it wouldn't be so easy to search your name.

[Annina3]

Emilia, I don't feel comfortable with his communication and I am really an easy host. I usually host people (and men) with no problem.  So in this case, I listen to my guts. This daily communication is not healthy. Thanks

[Helen3]

I'm sorry,  I can't agree with you at all on this @Emilia42 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              @Annina3  is in a completely different situation than you. She is a woman hosting by herself in a shared property. You are not.

I am in the same situation and would be highly uncomfortable if a sole male guest messaged me multiple times about issues not relating to my listing, called me and tried to friend me on FB.

I have never had a guest do that in over three years of hosting and having had hundreds of guests stay.

And I have never searched for a host or a guest on social media.

At the end of the day, as hosts, particularly as a woman hosting by herself,  in a shared property situation, we need to be comfortable about hosting a guest and if we are not and want to cancel as a result because of safety concerns, we should be able to, without being taken to task by other hosts.

Do you send your guests friend requests on FB and call them before their stay?

[Emilia42]

@Helen3 

I don't have Facebook but I would not be put off if someone did send me a friend request. That is the point of facebook (to connect with people.) I've had many guests call me before their stay. I had a similar situation with one solo traveler who contacted me multiple times on my personal number and even asked if I could help them buy marijuana while they were here (couldn't help them with that.) I may not be sleeping next to the guest but our doors are side by side and I have never felt the need to lock mine based on someone overcommunicating with me. 

[Annina3]

Emilia, these are different experiences than mine. I am sorry but it is difficult to compare. I would be annoyed also by a friend contacting me everyday. Thanks 

[Helen3]

Hi @Emilia42 

Actually the point of FB is not to connect with random strangers on the internet, who are paying customers. It is to connect family and friends. 

Sorry for the confusion I didn't realise you shared your home. Both your listings say they are whole listings, so I didn't appreciate you offered a shared space with your bedroom doors side by side with your guest.

More generally, absolutely you should host in the way that works for you, but that doesn't mean we can't empathise with other hosts who feel uncomfortable with a guest behaving in a way that would make many hosts who are women hosting by themselves in a shared space feel uncomfortable

[Sarah977]

@Emilia42  I have to agree with @Helen3 and @Annina3 that a future guest trying to friend me on Facebook (which I don't use), calling me, on a daily basis, to talk about something other than their booking or my place is quite creepy and wholly inappropriate. Maybe the guy is just lonely, but that doesn't make it okay. 

Some guests and hosts really connect during the stay and end up being friends and keeping in touch. But trying to do this before you've even met is just weird. If he's doing this now, what's he going to be like during a stay? 

[Sarah_Matthew0]

@Annina3  I sympathise with you, this guy is a weirdo if he thinks it is ok to intimidate you and become your ‘friend’ on Facebook  it’s not ok and the fact that he does not realise it is a problem is a problem in itself. @Emilia42 How can you search for people on Facebook if you don’t have Facebook yourself? When you have an account you see a completely different view to random searches, when you become a friend you can access personal information and photos I would not want random strangers doing that to me!

[Emilia42]

@Annina3, I am not trying to be argumentative. Like I said before, I have no idea what this guest is saying in the messages. If a guest contacted me everyday saying things like "You hair looks really nice in your picture." Then Yes!, get that person out of here and cancel that booking immediately. But from how I read the post, this guest called once and sent a friend request on facebook because they are going to be your 'roommate' for a full weeks and maybe wants to get a better feel for you. I'm sorry, I know I do not fully understand the situation. 

@Helen3 , I do have entire listings but the apartment entry doors are right next to each other. A guest could enter my space at anytime and many have but I've never locked my doors.

@Sarah_Matthew0, I don't have a personal Facebook (I used too but deleted it 6 years ago.) I have a business, which has a facebook page so I can log in through that. I google search and facebook guests all the time. I was once able to find a guest's brother who randomly showed up at my home, insulting the place (I didn't even know his name or have confirmation of which guest he was related to but I still found him.)  It is quite easy to find out about people on the interent.

[Kira32]

Dear Annina,

Cancel if you really don't feel comfortable with a guest or always have a friend coming over if you don't feel comfortable in your own home.

Invite your boyfriend, guy friends or family member for a few minutes for coffee while your guest is home, just to let this person know that you are not alone. You can also surprise your guest by giving someone you know your keys and let this person you trust with your keys come unexpectedly in your home to fix something(kitchen cabinet?).  

From one woman to a woman: Always trust your instinct!

Good luck!

Kira♡